CWW Week 14 - Day 5 - Courage

Scripture

Isaiah 41:10 in the New King James Version (NKJV) of the Bible reads:

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Facing Change can be very daunting. Old habits die hard and often we can become so used to dysfunction that we would rather stay trapped in it because we have adapted to accept the un-acceptable. ‘It’s better the dog you know than the dog you don’t know’ applies to circumstances as much as it does to relationships and people.

In 2006 my life could not have become more unmanageable. Feeling trapped in a marriage that I could not make work no matter what I tried, carrying a huge debt that kept me locked into the treadmill and trying, in my own power, to manage an out of control addiction, it seemed that there was only one way out.

I so badly wanted to be a good man but my course to destruction was set by my past and an overwhelming sense that I was trapped in a life I never wanted. I set the date for my departure from this world knowing in my heart that it, and everyone in my life, would be better off and so would I.   I was unforgivable, unmanageable, and incapable of turning this mess around. I did not know God at that stage in my life. I denied Him at every opportunity and ridiculed those who believed in Him.

If I couldn’t fix my life then who could. I had become a lost cause in my mind.

I had a great income and a wonderful career and it all looked good on the outside, but no-one could see the gapping whole in my sole that you could drive a truck through. I had everything I needed to pretend that life was good but I was so empty.

As I raced through life heading inexorably towards my departure date, I felt a morbid sense of relief. I was a cancer that I wanted to cut out of the relationships I was destroying. It is very hard to write these words now. It feels so foreign to me.

A chain of circumstances started to form, that would change my course and just in time. As I was racing to the edge of the cliff of my self destruction God intervened. Less than a year before my departure date my youngest daughter called me from Cairo where she was working. to tell me that she was to become a muslim. In the heated exchange that followed she asked me a question that changed my life.

“Before you criticise my spiritual choices why don’t you tell me what you believe in?” This was too important a question to throw a flippant answer at. I paused and suggested I needed a week to respond. The week that followed was hectic as I flew a very heavy roster. I got to look at the world through a very different lens as I pondered the existence of some kind of divine power.

The world laid out before me at thirty eight thousand feet took on a whole new persona. Clouds became a wonder rather than something I took for granted as I started to question everything laid out before me.

By the time I called her again a week later I had made a decision. I could not believe what I was about to say because I had been agnostic and then an atheist all of my life. “I reckon their must be a God but I can’t stand religion. Religion is the business of God conducted by men and they are very bad at it.” My daughter was very pleased with my response.

I can’t say that my life changed much after that realisation and my departure date loomed large on my horizon. Ok so there’s a God but why would He want to have anything to do with a major screw up like me right?

Then just ten days before my time to go, a vicious verbal argument between my first wife and I was so bad that I walked out of my garage, looked up at the sky and with arms outstretched I screamed ‘ I just can’t do this anymore!’

While the argument was raging just minutes before, there was a conversation going on in my mind. “You just wait, in ten days time you are gonna be in a world of pain.” I drove away from the house straight after to pick up my daughter in town. When she asked me what was wrong I told her that I couldn’t be with her mother anymore. She asked me what I planned to do. I could not believe what came out of my mouth.

“I am going to take a year or so to get my affairs in order and then I am going to rent a shed in the bush and make furniture and listen to my favourite music.” Where did that come from and what happened to my suicide pact with myself?

On my very next flight, which was to be my last trip, I met a woman that would change all of my plans and everything turned around. Life became meaningful again and my second chance had arrived at the eleventh hour. As I join the dots in my own life I could see that I had gone through a two step process of redemption without realising it.

First I had to recognise that God exists. Then I had to surrender to Him which is what I did when I screamed at Heaven. I was now ready to go God’s way in His strength knowing in my heart, where all the things of God should be known, that “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” had just been applied to me, and my life would never be the same again.

So what is Gods righteous right hand? It’s Jesus.

Mark 16:19: “So then, after the Lord had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven, and sat down at the right hand of God.” 

Questions.

1. Do you have the courage in faith now to accept that God can change your circumstances?
2. Can you begin to see just how precious you are to He who created you?
3. How can you apply todays scripture to turn your life around?

Prayer.

Dear Lord, Papa God.

Help me to surrender to your almighty power Papa, that I may be upheld by your righteous right hand. Help me to see that the Lord Jesus is your righteous right hand and to lean into Him as my eternal saviour. Thank you you Lord for the knowing that my life has relevance and that you have created me in your image. May this new found knowledge give me courage to face the changes required in my life as I follow You with all my heart, mind and soul. In Jesus name  I pray. Amen.

Graham Hood